(This post is ripped off-er, lovingly inspired by an article written by parody news platform “The Onion”. Please note the original does contain some contain some mature content!)
With the approach of June and many Pride-themed events, many Poptropicans may be unsure of how to respond to their friends in a way that makes them feel safe and supported. While we cannot speak for every situation, here are some pretty universal things not to do:
1. “Behold! The oracle spoke the truth!”
You can be supportive without mentioning some ancient woman’s prophesy.
Hello Poppie-tropicans! This is Smart Bubbles, and this year I’ll be in charge of organizing the Poppies, our annual Poptropica fan awards in conjunction with the PHB’s birthday in July. 🥳
However, with Poptropica no longer receiving updates in the foreseeable future, we risk getting repetitive with the future of the awards. It’s not a fair event if we do a “Best Island” every year and my bot–I mean loyal readers–all vote for Astro-Knights each time, is it?
Go Go Robot: Just some of the ideas that would eventually become the Steam Robot costume in the Poptropica Store.
So we’re opening up the floor to your ideas! What suggestions do you have for award categories? Should we keep our original focus with a mix of both gameplay topics (characters, islands) and fandom content (fanart, fanfiction)? Or should we shift to a purely fandom focus, with more detailed categories such as splitting fanart into comics, animations, illustrations, etc?
This Google form will be open until July 7to share your feedback, or you can also drop a comment on this post. Act fast — the fate of the Poppies rests in your hands with non-opposable Poptropican thumbs!
Pop Quiz: How do you prefer to talk to your friends?
Subjects of the galaxy! It is I, Mordred aka the Binary Bard. After my triumph with Astro-Knights Island, and my loyal subject Smart Bubbles’s defeat of my opponent who dared to use such underhanded tactics and words, I decided to utilize my newly found freedom on this simple planet of, errr… Earth.
Oh, no need to fear the authorities chasing after me after my escape from Erewhon—I’ve made sure to leave some… gifts in their computer systems as the poor fools try to track me.
Your pipsqueak of an “author” here, Smart Bubbles, as one of my most devout subjects, has given me access to this “blog”, along with this opportunity to travel her homeland…”United States of America.” I suppose I should thank her, although she has yet to betray her land of greasy foods and disgusting carbonated drinks for my kingdom.
(SB: Can I please see my family again.)
The Mississippi River (with quite jarring concrete fences and graffiti)I can assure you, I am normally NOT the size of those rice bars!
We left and saw some tours of the “Midwest”, which is truly all the descriptor you need for this place. It reminded me a bit of Arturus, but without any grandeur or history or mountains.
(SB: But WITH water purifiers, antibiotics, and a general life expectancy above fifty…)
We stopped at several places called “gas stations”. I do not understand your fascination with them, although I don’t quite have the same need to rest as you flimsy humans. I’m sure the journey would have been cut in half if a certain someone didn’t insist on buying a meager snack at every stop, none of which she ever offered me, of course!
Before we continue on to the main part, I’d like to clear some misconceptions you fools tend to have:
Cruise Control: Things are a-boat to get hectic.
“Is looking at an eclipse safe?”
An entire planet’s existence and you still ask this! Much to the surprise of some, staring directly at the sun, even with a SPLINTER of it cut off, will BLIND you. The only time it is safe to stare directly at a solar eclipse is at the point of “totality”, whence the sun is fully covered, the sky has a 360 degree “twilight” appearance, and all of the birds make a cacophony that makes me wish I had thought of a way to turn off my mechanical eardrums.
People with a shred of intelligence will use something to shield their eyes like those little glasses. I, however, do not have this weakness as my left eye is now immune to blindness. If anyone is interested after my writings, I am more than happy to take on subjects for cybernetic modifications.
(SB: Bard, that kills people.)
Solstice: The sun at the center of it all.
“Are eclipses really rare if I hear about them all the time?”
There are two types of eclipses—or three, if you count lunar ones, but that does not apply here. Partial solar eclipses, where the moon never fully passes over the sun, are quite common, and you often might miss them if you don’t know of one happening. Total eclipsesare when the sun is fully covered, turning into a “black sun”, and are safe to stare at during the totality period. These happen regularly, every few years, but only in different areas around the world. For the same location to experience a total solar eclipse twice, you may have to wait a few centuries—oh wait. You’re humans. You can’t. Pity.
Is the world ending?
Somehow, you have managed to barely advance since the Dark Ages…
On the day of the eclipse, I took a chair for myself while my loyal subject spent her time eating sweets she made for the event, and complaining of the quite mild sunlight. At this point, I started to wonder if I had unknowingly made a deal with a vampire. During the progression, the temperature dropped significantly, even when the full eclipse was yet to happen—certain automatic lights turned on as it grew dark as well. And yes, the birds made noise.
Cookies!!! -SB
It was quite pleasant to see the total eclipse without peasants running about in the fields like it was the end of the world—Arturus truly was thankless for the progress I gave it! The sky was clear enough to even see the red flares of the sun around the edges. It’s impressive how such a small change can completely alter the planet—Earth would be incredibly different if the path between it and its closest star was blocked permanently, like so. To most here, planets and moons and the like may seem far too big to be so fragile, but I’m well aware of how tiny they are in the grand scheme of things.
I believe that is all—from what I can see, I think the authorities have finally bypassed my small tricks. I leave you once again to await the coming of a new age to the universe—one that will certainly eclipse a small event like this!
In all the hubbub, many are fearing that this could mean curtains for the game — a sentiment echoed across X (formerly known as Twitter), with high engagement on our recent post about the news. 👀
Tons of engagement on the post — showing tons out there still care.
So far, the tweet has garnered 2.7 million views, 600+ retweets, 1.2K likes, and 400+ saves — much higher than our usual stats on the social media platform. It’s also attracted over 70 replies, with many fearing the game’s end and calling for Poptropica not to shut down.
As dire as the news may sound, the fact that so many fans are making noise is an optimistic sign that there’s still a sizable community out there that cares about Poptropica. And if you count yourself among them, we encourage you to voice your thoughts, too! 📣
You can leave a comment on this blog post, on our tweet, on our Discord server, or share your story in a ‘My Place in Poptropica‘ or other guest post. Let the Poptropica Creators know what the game means to you and encourage them to keep it going. 🏝️ We’ll keep on poppin’ on!
CUT TO MOREAU and DIRECTOR D., practically wasting away in their office. They’re surrounded by a mess of papers and folders neither have bothered to clean up.
DIRECTOR D.
You’d think Jupiter would at least send in other prisoners for us to talk to while we’re still here.
MOREAU
He knows we aren’t psychologists. Besides, I don’t think he cares about the rest.
DIRECTOR D.
Yup. Did you see another volunteer come in today?
MOREAU
Hah! Another piece of canon fodder for him because the coward won’t do it himself.
DIRECTOR D.
Be a little more optimistic, Moreau. If he loses too many people he may ask us to go next.
The building suddenly shakes. Both jump from their seats.
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