“The Villain Saga” – Season 2, Episode 3, Part 1 + A message from the producer

(Table of contents) (See previous)

INT. MUSTACHIO GANG HIDEOUT – AFTERNOON

EL MUSTACHIO GRANDE and the four other members of his gang are lazing around, trying to avoid the height of the daytime desert heat and plotting their next move.

SCARRED BANDIT

That bank is wide open for us. Traders are coming soon too, we can grab it and pawn it off with no one noticing!

BANDIT GIRL

I don’t want to go back out until we know that storm isn’t going to happen again!

REDHEAD BANDIT

Still worried about you lil’ neckerchief?

BANDIT GIRL

It’s not just that! Y’know I can handle losing a piece of fabric!

(con’t)

Something was wrong there. It felt dangerous.

REDHEAD BANDIT

…Still worried about your dangerous lil’ neckerchief?

BANDIT GIRL

I’m gonna get you right between the eyes–!

MUSTACHIO

Come on, enough of that!

(con’t)

Yes, a scrap of fabric is no problem, but what happened the other day was not something we should scoff at.

SOMBRERO BANDIT

Did it remind you of anything from that prison?

EL MUSTACHIO GRANDE twirls his pistol, thinking.

MUSTACHIO

No, nothin’ like that. But I did see a lot of other odd stuff.

(con’t)

We’re in a completely different time than the rest of ‘em. And that weird Dr. Jupiter and his cronies…

SCARRED BANDIT

The bank is in the safe area. Who knows? We might go there and be kept safe from the next one while we get the gold.

BANDIT GIRL

True. I don’t like the idea of being trapped here all day, anyway.

(con’t)

Just…keep an eye out for any weird stuff. This ain’t something we can fight off.

FADE TO:

EXT. DUSTY GULCH SURROUNDING COUNTY – AFTERNOON

The train barrels its way through the valley, setting off from Diamond Plains full of passengers. Once it’s beyond the town, it enters the side of a mountain, continuing through a long tunnel.

Inside…

CUT TO:

INT. TRAIN CAR – AFTERNOON

The wild west group is seated at a couple different booths, on different sides of the isle, with MOREAU, HARE and DIRECTOR D. in one and WIDOW and CRAWFISH in the other.

DIRECTOR D. sips on his coffee.

DIRECTOR D.

Zeus, I used to pray for coffee like this!

MOREAU

“Zeus”? Since when were you into the Greeks?

DIRECTOR D.

Hm. Not sure. It just came to my mind.

CRAWFISH takes a sip from his own mug.

CRAWFISH

‘Tis decent.

A food cart passes by. Each person gets a decently-sized lunch portion, except for DR. HARE, who got a massive pile of pancakes.

HARE

A serious brunch for serious business!

(con’t)

Hey! Waiter! You forgot the syrup!

The WAITER continues to push the cart forward, ignoring him (either as an accident or intentionally). HARE, too hungry to bother getting up, starts his pancakes. His compact tracking device can fold out like a swiss army knife, and he uses the small blade to slice some butter.

Just as he’s piling the dollops onto his pancakes, the device begins to beep.

HARE

Huh?

The others have noticed as well. HARE looks over at CRAWFISH. The pirate pinches himself.

CRAWFISH

I feel perfectly fine.

They are still in the tunnel, but HARE tries to shine a light on the bare stone walls they are passing. Everything goes past in a blur.

HARE

That’s…an unusual reading. It’s almost like it’s the opposite?

The light briefly reflects off something, gone as soon as it appeared.

HARE

Did anyone catch that?

DIRECTOR D.

It was some sort of rock.

HARE

Maybe we can sneak back in here. Anyone got the train schedule so we don’t get flattened?

CUT TO:

EXT. ROCK RIDGE STATION – AFTERNOON

As is to be expected, Rocky Ridge is deserted, with no miners working and salesmen in the streets. WIDOW looks over at the bank.

WIDOW

I could probably take everything in there.

(con’t)

Should I?

CRAWFISH

What’s the point of a plunder if there’s no one to fight?

DIRECTOR D.

Stay on task, everyone. Ideally the gang would show up here right now, but I guess that would make this too easy for us.

HARE looks up. The entrance to the mines is on the edge of a cliff, completely unattended.

HARE

We should go in there. I know we’ll find something.

MOREAU

I’m not, thank you very much.

CRAWFISH

Let’s split up, then.

(con’t)

You three stay here and watch the bank, I’ll go with the Hare into the tunnels.

HARE

Doctor…I didn’t go through all those years of school just to–

DIRECTOR D.

Sounds good. We’ll regroup at the hotel in the evening.

CAPTAIN CRAWFISH and DR. HARE split off, climbing steps and ladders to the mine entrance. On the ledge, they can see the whole of the settlement, as well as the expanse of the desert beyond.

CRAWFISH

It’s like a sea.

HARE

And only slightly more bearable.

They enter the tunnel, with HARE bringing out his detector again.

CUT TO:

EXT. CRAWFISH’S SHIP – AFTERNOON

RINGMASTER RAVEN is alone at the top of the mast, doing lookout even though there is little to look for. BONNY joins him.

BONNY

Hey! The crow’s nest is my spot.

RAVEN

If we switched its name to the “raven’s nest”, could I take it?

BONNY

Off with ye. Go fly down and check if the others need anything.

Unable to fly, RAVEN makes his slow descent down the rope ladders, something he very much does not enjoy. The pirates, still enjoying their time off, are playing games on the deck.

EDWARD

What’s goin’?

RAVEN

I wouldn’t know, Bonny kicked me out.

EDWARD

Sounds like more time for ale and cards!

Across from him, EDWARD’S opponent lets out a frustrated sigh, drawing another card from the deck.

RAVEN

You’ve got an awful poker face.

HENRY

What’s ‘poker’?

RINGMASTER RAVEN reaches behind HENRY’S ear, pulling out a card. He flicks his wrist, and the “single” card fans out into a royal flush.

RAVEN

A game where you get the perfect lineup.

HENRY

Huh? I just had–

HENRY stands, looking like he’s about to start a fight.

HENRY

How’d you get that?

EDWARD

Calm down, he already gave you ‘em back…but uh, how did you do that?

RAVEN

It’s a cheap trick.

EDWARD claps, his eyes lighting up.

EDWARD

That’s it! I know what we can do! Let’s set up a magic show!

RAVEN

…On a boat?

HENRY

We do plays all the time. Our greatest performances include “Crawfish beats the kraken” and “Capt’n Crawfish conquers the seven seas”.

EDWARD

We’ve got stuff in the hull, come on!

The two are already heading down before RAVEN has a chance to add his own input.

RAVEN

I’m kind of rusty after Erewhon–

(con’t)

Eh, whatever.

CUT TO:

INT. ROCKY RIDGE MINES – AFTERNOON

CRAWFISH and HARE have passed through the entrance and are following a minecart trail. The entire tunnel is completely dark, save for a bleak glow from HARE’S goggles and a lamp CRAWFISH found.

HARE

I’m telling you, the readings are completely different here!

(He presses his hand against a wall)

Do you think we’ll have to dig?

CRAWFISH

I’m not seeing anything.

HARE

Are you feeling better?

CRAWFISH

…A bit?

(con’t)

What are we even looking for?

HARE

No clue.

Undeterred by his own admission of cluelessness, HARE keeps on going like the Energizer bunny down the tunnel. CRAWFISH lifts his lamp to the ceiling, where there is nothing but soil.

CRAWFISH

Pathetic mine. No wonder they left.

HARE

AH!-

CRAWFISH rushes over to HARE, who has stopped and is staring down in surprise. He checks with his lantern right behind HARE. Right at the edge where they stand is a gaping canyon, diving into pitch darkness with not the slightest sign of a way back up besides some broken ladders and trellises.

HARE

Shoot. I started getting even better signals this way.

CAPTAIN CRAWFISH points to their left, where the minecart continues along the tunnel and into a precarious bridge that goes over the chasm.

CRAWFISH

We could use that?

HARE

That?

(con’t)

Oh. No. Absolutely not. Nope, never, not a–

CUT TO:

CRAWFISH is in front of HARE in a tiny minecart, speeding down at an angle so sharp it would be easy for the whole thing to just topple forward.

HARE

AAAAAAAAAAAIIII!

---

If you’re here, thanks for staying until the end. ❤

Unfortunately Poptropicans, I will be departing from the PHB. Between my life and the lack of Poptropica news, I feel it’s time I packed my bags. That being said, I will be keeping this series and continue to update it on the new Villain Saga blog (apologies, it’s still in pretty rough shape!).
Thanks for everything and for all the fun, nerds. Keep on creating, I can’t express how happy I was when I saw more stories follow mine here.

Castori honorem ~ “Agent Bubbles”