INT. PHB OFFICES- DAY
(The AUTHORS are gathered for their Valentine’s party. BLAKE is sitting on a folding chair, sipping some punch.)
HP: Dude, I can’t believe you brought that thing up three flights of stairs just for this gag.
Blake: Insert funny joke here.
(HP looks at BLAKE with a smirk. A STUDIO LAUGH TRACK plays in the background.)
Fishy: Quiet, everyone! Alright, as you all know, this is our first annual Valentine’s Day party, and of course, this will be the first office party open to the viewers.
Blake: Well, they did say to open up to them a bit more.
(Another STUDIO LAUGH TRACK.)
Fishy: Blake, if you press that laugh track button one more time, you and your folding chair are out of this party.
Blake: Fine, fine! We only chose six of them anyway.
Sam: Yeah, this is some weird Willy Wonka stuff right here.
Fishy: Well, think. There are nine of us. We don’t have enough room in here to have a wild party! Plus, the landlord will kick us out if we get too loud, so..
HP: Yeah, the landlord is pretty scary. Remember what she did to SD that one time she left the door open?
SD: Yeah… I don’t want to remember…
(SD shudders as the sound of a broom swooping in the air is heard.)
Fishy: We all pray for you, SD. Now, let’s get ready! They should be arriving any minute now.
(The door opens, and the six selected partygoers enter. Among them are YLIMEGIRL, POPULAR WOLF, BRAVE SKY, WIMPYKIDFAN, SKINNY ICE and STRANGE MONSTER.)
Popular Wolf: Oh my gosh! Great to be here, you guys! It’s always been my childhood dream to come here!
WKF: All my life I’ve imagined what this place would look like…. This isn’t it..
Skinny Monster: I thought we’d never get here! Stupid bus crash!
Blake: Well, all that really matters is that you’re here now. You guys mingle a bit, while us authors set up the games!
(BLAKE tapes a target to the wall, and gets out a BOW, which is emitting a strange pink glow.)
Brave Sky: Ooh, archery! I’m pretty good at this!
Blake: Yes, this game is basically archery. What’ll happen is, you get two shots, and whoever hits the target will score 10 points!
HP: Pssh, that’s easy, Blake.
Blake: The winner gets this caramel apple I found in the fridge!
(HP snatches the bow and two arrows from BLAKE.)
HP: DEAL! I’m up first!
(HP aims. The arrow slowly drifts right, and HP lets go, hitting SD in the arm by accident. He tries again, only managing to hit the cactus in SAM’S cubicle.)
SD: You know, I suddenly feel the strange urge to go hug that cactus.
(SD runs toward the cactus, leaving the remaining partygoers to ponder what just happened.)
Blake: Well, that can’t be good.
Sam: She’s after Phil! I have to stop her!
(SAM runs off. HP swipes an arrow from Blake’s quiver, and aims, accidentally hitting SAM.)
Sam: Ouch! What the heck, ma-
(The potion in the arrow’s tip takes it’s toll, and Sam is also drawn toward the cactus.)
Sam: Well, that settles it. C’mere, tiger!
(SAM runs into the cubicle with SD.)
Blake: Seriously, what’s going on? I mean, all I did was buy this bow and quiver of arrows from a shady guy with wing tattoos in the back of a van! Nothing wrong there!
Fishy: Wait, did you say wing tattoos? Could this actually be Cupid’s bow?
Blake: Probably! I mean, you know us, always getting into these kinds of situations…
Fishy: This is serious, Blake! We have a group of crazed love zombies running around the office!
Blake: Oh, those are just my fans. Some say my humor makes them dumber by the minute.
(Once again, a STUDIO LAUGH TRACK.)
Fishy: That’s it. Get out.
To be continued…
