PHB Specials

PHB Valentine’s Special, Part 2: Tainted Love


Continued from Part 1

(The remaining AUTHORS are sitting in BLAKE’S office, as STRANGE MONSTER and POPULAR WOLF hold the door shut.)

Blake: Wow, I actually thought shooting them again would stop them.

Fishy: You just made it worse! Now they’re after us.

Blake: Well maybe someone should pay for lessons to teach me how to read, eh? How was I supposed to know the label said “Puppy Love?”

HP: I honestly thought it would turn them into dogs or something. But no, now they want to kill us.

Skinny Ice: Honestly? Not how I wanted to go down.

Ylimegirl: Yeah, I know. I wanted to go down on a beach in Paris, shooting down the enemy armies as my fighter plane barrels into the ocean..

(The ENTIRE GROUP stares in shock.)

Ylimegirl: What? Too vivid?

Blake: Um, yeah. So anyway, how do we stop them? Taking them down isn’t an option, since two of them are our own.

GH: There’s so many of them!

Paul: Well maybe SOMEONE shouldn’t have released them into the streets of Back Lot Island!

GH: You know, I thought that would work. You know, zombies LOVE Queequeg’s.

Paul: Have you been reading the landlord’s collection of zombie fanfiction again?

GH: Maybeeeee…

(The DOOR shatters, as SD pokes her head inside.)

SD: Hey guys! You guys wanna let me in there? I can show you the love you desire!

PW: They’re breaking down the door! What do we do?

Blake: It’s quite simple, actually. You see, if I just walk over to this crate and open my “Emergency Plot Point Kit,” I retrieve my..

(BLAKE pulls out a small bottle of black liquid.)


WKF: Really? You couldn’t have pulled that stuff out when you shot them originally?

Blake: Shhhh…don’t ruin my moment.

(BLAKE aims carefully, and hits SD in the arm with an arrow dipped in the Anti-Love Serum. She quickly reverts to normal.)

Blake: Thank you, Plot Point Kit! Now, everyone grab a bow from the crate and start shooting!

(LATER *since I didn’t want to write the same sequence over and over…*)

Blake: Well, it looks like everything worked out alright in the end!

HP: It is a shame that nobody but us will ever see that epic action sequence we went through.

SD: Well, it isย  a kid’s blog!

(THEY ALL laugh.)

Blake: Now, come on. Who’s ready for some Valentine’s pizza?

(The CROWD cheers as they all walk out of the entrance. Enter TALL CACTUS and CUDDLY KNUCKLE, drenched in mud.)

TC: Hello?ย  We made it!

CK: Yeah, whenever the bus crashed, we ended up in a mud bank, and went on a journey of self-discovery!

TC: Cuddly, I think the special’s over..

(A strange BLACK FIGURE materializes.)

Black Figure: Not necessarily… How would you two like to join my Monster Army?

TC: Gladly!

CK: Yeah, we’re sick of getting 2-paragraph cameos at the end of things.

Black Figure: Excellent. Let us begin…

To be continued in the 2016 PHB Halloween Special…

Hope you enjoyed the PHB Valentine’s Special!

Happy Valentine’s Day! โค


40 thoughts on “PHB Valentine’s Special, Part 2: Tainted Love”

  1. FAQ:

    1. Blake, why did you leave us on a cliffhanger like that?

    I wanted some mystery to be left over until October, so I could get more views on that. Yes, I’m a power-hungry man.

      1. If there’s any fighting included, Scratch Step and his sword Kurai Kaeru (Dark Return in Japanese, although I’m not too vivid…) are in!

    1. Me, i wanna live ever. And i don’t want Raven or Nice Coyote or Neat Berry to die, cause their my friends. (You wouldn’t know these ones, in real life, their my accounts) Oh course, i probably won’t get a choice, and even i did, Perfect Cheetah would probably be immortal too, ’cause she’s my alter self.DANG IT IS NOTHING PERFECT!!!!!!

      1. Lucky Wing, did you play Mythology Island yet? You said you want your Poptropicans to be immortal. But I won’t spoil anything if you haven’t played it yet. ๐Ÿ˜‰

      2. Sorta. I started it, then the stupid Saytr wouldn’t let me through, even though i was ON A QUEST!!! i’m kinda bitter and Angry. But, no i haven’t.

      3. As it TOTALLY Bitter and angry. Starting it up soon.
        PS please check out my youtube channel. It’s Lucky Wing

  2. Hey, Fishy I wanted to know if I could use the pictures in your island guides. Only the pictures, I will write my own guide.

  3. Do you want to know what I just did? I played the original Oregon Trail game on my computer. I changed the names to be Dr. Hare, Mordred, Black Widow, Captain Crawfish, and Zeus. Zeus ended up “dying” in the beginning, but the other four made it to Oregon alive. I still have no idea how I won on my first try, and how Zeus, a god, died, and everyone else survived. ๐Ÿ˜‚

      1. Just go on Google and type “Oregon Trail Computer Game.” Then click on the result that says “Internet Archive.” It should take you to the 1990 version of the game.

  4. Happy Valentin’s Day to all PHB authors & poptropicans out there!
    * * * * * * /
    * * * / *
    * * * / *
    * * *
    * *
    * Happy Valentine’s Day *
    * *
    * *
    * *
    * *
    * / *
    / * *
    __/ * *
    /| *

      1. Indeed! Even though my time at the PHB is done as an author, think of me as a consultant of sorts. I’ll be around to post whenever I can (that includes specials!) But, if you’re lacking your daily dose of Blake, you can always check out my other projects, like StupidNinjas! Find it in the blogroll if you so desire.

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