(This post is ripped off-er, lovingly inspired by an article written by parody news platform “The Onion”. Please note the original does contain some contain some mature content!)
With the approach of June and many Pride-themed events, many Poptropicans may be unsure of how to respond to their friends in a way that makes them feel safe and supported. While we cannot speak for every situation, here are some pretty universal things not to do:
1. “Behold! The oracle spoke the truth!”
You can be supportive without mentioning some ancient woman’s prophesy.
2. “I’m gayer.”
It’s not a competition.
3. “You’re so lucky you don’t have to donate blood now.”
This is actually deeply unfair to Poptropicans who desperately want strangers to have their blood. Count Bram would be very disappointed.
4. “In that outfit?”
Not everyone comes out as stunningly as you.
5. “I knew the second you told me you were gay.”
Shut up Ned.
6. “Your mother and I still love you.”
Have you even been listening? This month is about who they love, not you.
7. “You still owe me $45”
They do, but give them a minute.
8. “Oh, like Bucky Lucas!”
Comparing a friend or acquaintance to Bucky Lucas at one of their most vulnerable moments is about the cruelest thing you could do.
9. “But milady, you must have an heir, lest the hated Mad Inventor inherit your land!”
There’s already enough pressure in this situation without bringing intergalactic space renaissance cyborgs into it.
10. “This has been so obvious ever since I started stalking you.”
How did you get out of Erewhon, again?
11. “I was planning to come out this very moment, and you just stole my thunder.”
Sir, have you seen your Wikipedia page? We all know.
12. “Would you like to go on record stating that for our organization’s diversity initiative?”
Come on. At least wait a week before swooping in with corporate requests to make your monopoly look better than Gretchen’s.
Castori honorem ~ Smart Bubbles
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